Drabble Series: A Taxing Task – five taxfic drabbles written for celli

[tanaquific]

These were written for celli, who was a winning bidder on my offer of a series of five drabbles as part of help_pakistan. Thank you, celli, for your generous donation!

celli and I share an interest in taxfic, and she asked for five taxfic drabbles in five fandoms.

A Taxing Task – five taxfic drabbles written for celli

Many Unhappy Returns (Supernatural)

Ellen grimaced as she pulled the books towards her. Sometimes she reckoned she'd rather go Hunting herself than figure out returns for a roadhouse frequented by Hunters.

Over the years, she'd come up with a few tricks for deductibles, though. Like renewing the hex bags each Fall, so she could put them down as "seasonal decorations". Best no passing IRS Agent ever saw the tatty strings of tinsel they actually put up at Jo's insistence.

As for the complexities of calculating withholdings for Ash's "wages", when they were paid in lodging, food, computer parts, and an uncertain amount of beer....

Exit Strategy (Stargate Atlantis)

"...saying, when we—. Oh, crap!"

Rodney had spotted several men clustered by the Stargate. John gripped his P-90 more tightly as one held out something rectangular.

"Please complete a cultural export declaration and pay the appropriate export tariff."

John, confused, looked at Teyla. "What the...?"

She shrugged. "I believe some worlds have grown... uncomfortable with your methods of acquiring Ancient technology."

Rodney's outraged splutter was cut short by a growl from Ronon. Striding forward, he seized the form. "Let's just get this done." Producing a pen from his dreadlocks, he jabbed it in Rodney's direction. "What's that thing called again?"

Death duties (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

The demon flung out an arm. "Pony up!"

"What?" Buffy blinked at him.

Giles sighed. "Execrable English aside, apparently we're following tradition. Charon here requires his obol."

"His what?" Buffy, Xander and Willow chorused.

Giles sighed again. "Payment for ferrying us into hell," he explained.

"Oh." Buffy glanced around.

Xander shrugged. "Don't look at me."

"Ooh, wait—!" Willow started, but the demon shook his head.

"Real money. No magic."

Buffy met Giles' gaze. He sighed a third time. "Why do I feel like I should be asking for a family ticket to Alton Towers¹?" he muttered, reaching for his wallet.

¹British equivalent of Disneyland.

Too High A Price (Firefly)

"No." Mal shook his head as he sipped his coffee.

"Jobs in the Core pay better," Wash reminded him.

Mal slammed his cup down on the table. "And cost us more. Docking tariffs. Shore permits. Fines from those shee-niou 'surprise' ship inspections that somehow happen every gorram time we land on Sihnon or Osiris."

"But—." Kaylee tried to object.

"No! I ain't giving the Alliance a gorram credit more than I have to." Mal scraped back his chair and strode from the dining area.

There was silence. Then—

"Captain's spoken." Zoe's tone was brisk if regretful. "We're heading for Paquin."

Cooking The Books (due South)

"You see, Ray," Fraser gestured with his hat, "the shopkeeper's property straddled the boundary between Manitoba and Nunavut. He was charging Manitoba provincial sales tax, but his business was registered in Nunavut." Seeing Ray's blank expression, Fraser explained patiently, "It's a territory. They don't have provincial sales tax. He was pocketing the money. It was quite a sum by the time they caught him."

"And I should care about this—why?"

"Surely, as a native of Chicago, you're aware Al Capone was convicted for tax evasion?"

"You're saying we should audit the guy?"

"I'm saying we should follow the money, Ray."

Comments

[out_there]

Awesome, awesome, awesome and so incredibly awesome! I love each and every one of these.

[tanaqui]

Thank you! They were a lot of fun to write, so it's great to hear you enjoyed them so much. *g*